one year ahead..

well.. it's almost been a year I din update my account.. what I can do?? hmm.. life is though.. the roads are difficult.. but.. it change me a lot.. what happen in these few month really makes me realise tat people are like tat.. friend?? best friend?? does this happen.. relationship or friendship will last forever.. how about love? I hate both of it very much.. why?? cant describe.. things getting worse day by day.. hurt.. by what I felt.. which it makes me not to believe in love.. friendship or even anyone who is near me..(of course not my family).. I thought I found a real friendship.. but I realise.. it was only dreams.. but of course to all my secondary friends are excluded.. what if I din't meet you all in the first time?? I will not be as tat bad for now.. right?? or.. I will stay happy as who I am.. I guess.. the time is almost near for me to go by myself.. but not together with anyone.. because I realise that people who stay by my side will ended up by hating me.. I am sorry.. but this is my natural attitude.. I wont change for the sake of suiting someone.. I don't wish for not believing anyone.. but.. what I wish has become something which ended keep on hurting me.. I had enough of it..

hmm.....

my theory grade 5 just over today.. hehe.. i'm so happy.. but i doesn't know whether i can pass or not.. haiz.. hmm.. i don't know what happen to me.. i feel i wan2 cry.. haiz.. i just feel so.. i don't know why.. haiz.. i just wish the person can be beside me and i could cry on shoulder.. haiz.. i wish a person.. anyone.. as long i feel safe with the person and cry on the person.. i really trying to forget the love.. but.. i just cant!! i just fucking cant!! i really really love the person.. but.. it end up.. we have to go separate ways.. u have ur way.. i have my way.. whenever i be with u.. i just feel happy.. i wan you to be happy.. but i can only wish u.. tat's all.. haiz.. nothing much i can do.. haiz.. i wish.. u will happy forever.. i becoming who i'm.. who i truly am.. a person who has no heart feeling.. anymore....

i belive in you..

I believe, though you are not beside me

it wouldn't end like this.

I believe, the way it will come to me

just a bit far to come to me.

all in the past memories

i hurt myself and cried.

i wish you won't cry as how i cried,

with no tears i wish you

to send off me easily.

i know one day

you will come back

i believe in you

I'll be waiting for you. you are the only one for me

I believe, because i would cry

you couldn't be not able to cry

I believe, my flowing tears will

return you back to me

inside of my stopping eyes glance

your images are hit upon, so it makes me cry

i wish you don't cry as much as me

with no tears i wish you

to send off me easily.

i know one day

you will be back

i believe in you

waliao.. stupid classmate..

why i so bad luck will have this classmate.. u killing me in accapella.. fuck u.. tempo din count.. din practice.. fuck! fuck!.. i see i wan beat u long time ago.. haiz.. please don think u have car i don't have car.. u are only small little fucking kancil.. so don try to show off.. fuck u.. my car is much more better den ur kancil.. i don't need u to come cheras and fetch me to school.. i got leg, i got hand.. i can choose to drive or take lrt.. i don't need ppl like u to fetch me.. even though every fucking human in this world die i also wont call u fetch me.. fuck you.. and please don't backstabbed my best friend.. he din say any bad word about u.. so please don backstabbed him.. you are not good as anyone.. fuck you.. cau cibai.. ppl using piano u come and rebut with ppl.. what the fuck.. i see u i really wan shoot u kao kao

moody

well.. i not sure.. nowadays.. i keep on moody.. why? because of what? haiz.. i really don't know.. jealousy.. bla bla bla.. when can i only be truely myself.. i wish to be like how i'm last time.. it will be much more better.. don't care what other ppl say about me.. i wish to be like tat.. i really lost.. losing myself.. i don't know why i will love u so much.. i juz don't know.. i see u sad.. i was really really sad.. even in class i din hear what the teacher saying.. coz i keep on worry about you.. i never stop thinking about you.. i never never stop thinking about you.. i feel.. i really in love with u.. i wan someone to take away my feeling towards u.. but i scared.. our friendship will gone forever.. haiz.. i love u..

i had enough..

i had enough! Enough of everything! I don't know why i will so crazy wit this person..oh yes, i really love you..i was so stupid..i felt myself stupid..i see you unhappy..but i cant do anything..i see your eyes..and i wish tat you were happy..tat's what i wan2 see from your eyes..i don't know why..i cried when i think of you..how sad you are.i cried..my tears flows again..i don't know why i was so crazy about you..i don't know why! I was so fucking in love wit you..but i juz cant control myself..i feel i wan to release myself from this pain..i wan2 help you..but i cant..i don't know why i miss you so much..i feel tat now you are trying to avoid me..i hope tat this is my wrong feeling..if you think you don't like on what other ppl said about up during on lunch or anywhere..i willing to leave myself alone so tat you wont heard any unwanted things from their mouth anymore..

hmm.. why so many sad things?

i juz don't know since when, where, why i will felt so in deep love with this person.. fine looking person, funny, friendly.. but.. faith have made us cant be together forever.. haiz.. i cant do anything.. this is what the god wan me to gain through.. the road which my god have decided for me.. i cant do anything.. but.. in my whole life.. i never never felt in so deep love.. this can be say is the first time.. buy why.. why must be the person? i cant figure out why.. why it's you.. i miss u everyday.. every hour, every minute, every single second.. i wish juz to hug u.. haiz.. but i juz don't know what my heart really want.. what my heart really wish for.. what the god want me to do.. haiz.. it's seems like.. i really love you.. really really love you.. haiz.. but i think i have to forget it.. 1990+2013-3980= a decision which i have made in that age of mine.. is either i like it or not.. i will leave you.. alothught i know.. till the age.. or till when.. the feeling toward u.. the happy moment we went together.. i will remember.. loud and clear in my mind.. i never ever mind what type of person are u.. what looking u having right now.. but.. for me.. u are perfect.. excellent.. 100% the type i wan.. haiz.. i think.. i have to give a word to myself.. that is 'forget about the dream you want!'