holiday..

such boring holiday.. well.. can't think of it that when holiday things which i don't wish to happen will happen.. well.. it all ends for now.. i feel.. i went back to my lonely life again.. with no friends.. and all alone.. why i will have this feeling? i feel i been left behind.. i was sad.. but wat i can do? nothing i can do also.. haiz.. well.. i think i deserve it.. in a room which full of darkness.. be alone with no friends.. all of them have 2 faces.. don't know which is real and which is fake? why when i treat someone good and they have to treat me back bad.. and even worse.. haiz.. am i that easily being bully?? or is my attitude problem?? well whatever it is.. i feel nothing.. been 11 years i been lonely.. with no friends.. feel being use again.. when i'm useless i' just like a piece of junk, being throw away, when i can be use, i'm a 'temporally' treasure.. well.. why can't i continue my life?? be strong and fulfill my dream since i was small.. don't care what people back stabbed me, what they say behind me, how bad i'm as long i can improve, accept critic from other ppl.. although the feeling is hard to accept.. but it's normal for me.. cry before in a lonely dark room.. but no one can listen what is the sound of my heart looks like.. it's worse then everything else..