holiday..

such boring holiday.. well.. can't think of it that when holiday things which i don't wish to happen will happen.. well.. it all ends for now.. i feel.. i went back to my lonely life again.. with no friends.. and all alone.. why i will have this feeling? i feel i been left behind.. i was sad.. but wat i can do? nothing i can do also.. haiz.. well.. i think i deserve it.. in a room which full of darkness.. be alone with no friends.. all of them have 2 faces.. don't know which is real and which is fake? why when i treat someone good and they have to treat me back bad.. and even worse.. haiz.. am i that easily being bully?? or is my attitude problem?? well whatever it is.. i feel nothing.. been 11 years i been lonely.. with no friends.. feel being use again.. when i'm useless i' just like a piece of junk, being throw away, when i can be use, i'm a 'temporally' treasure.. well.. why can't i continue my life?? be strong and fulfill my dream since i was small.. don't care what people back stabbed me, what they say behind me, how bad i'm as long i can improve, accept critic from other ppl.. although the feeling is hard to accept.. but it's normal for me.. cry before in a lonely dark room.. but no one can listen what is the sound of my heart looks like.. it's worse then everything else..

what hapen!!!!!

haiz.. sunday 03 july 2009.. at kl.. 1st accident.. hit ppl's car butt.. haiz.. so bad luck.. my cute little horrible kancil hit a nice little devil honda city (old version).. what a good day.. haiz.. what to do.. the person request me to pay rm300.. fuck u!! ur honda butt is not as terrible as u think and u dare to take rm300 from me.. the lady say she wan report to the police but i refuse to. because if i were to report.. i have to pay for it.. might as well we settle it personally.. u fixed the car and take the receipt to me.. and i pay.. i hope nothing happen.. i really in bad luck on tat day.. haiz.. 04 july 2009.. my cute little horrible kancil give me trouble again.. water boil. fucking car.. why u so many problem.. hit ppl butt, water boil for 3 times.. non stop giving me problem.. why wan bully me lidat.. cost me rm200 something juz to fixed u.. and the money which i suppose to pay the fees have to give pay juz to repair u.. haiz.. good car.. hope to sell u at once.. haiz.. good day.. good news.. being scolded.. haiz.. i also don't wish for the incident to happen.. but end up.. being scolded.. good good.. very good..

a story of a best friend of mine..

i was happy.. that my aural teacher say my aural improving.. haha.. i was so happy.. and my sight singing improving also.. haiz. next week is my mid term exam.. haiz.. i have no money use in kl.. i must save in everything regarding to money.. haiz.. i was unhappy, scared.. tears flow again from my eyes.. are u really gonna leave?? will we meet again?? haiz.. i wish miracle will happen.. i juz wan u back.. i don't wish u to leave me.. and also leave other friends as well.. haiz.. my parents tell me that.. in this world.. there are no true friends.. but it was wrong.. because i found 1.. in my school.. and i never have this such good friend.. i was so so so so happy to have this buddy.. we were so close till my friend ask us whether are we brothers? i laugh.. it's just because we always been together, same our feelings together, talk with each other when 1 of us unhappy, and din count or even bother in treating who eat, paying taxi fees, or willing to help each other in taking stuff although it's on 3rd floor and we were at the 1st floor, quarrel with each other but still in good friends.. i never been such feelings.. the best friend i ever get.. i was.. so happy.. and.. tears start to flow when i know my buddy soon will leave me 1 day.. i cant stand it.. because i never have such good friend before.. and i also hope that i will continue to stay with this buddy again.. because in school.. only this buddy who willing to become my listener.. only this buddy who will force me to say out the unhappy things in my heart and will advice me to relieve me.. it's hard to find such good buddy.. how would i willing to lose this good friend??

i'm tension enough.. many things happen

haiz.. so many things happen.. i don't even know what i going to do.. haiz.. i don't even know why i can treat ppl so nice.. but in the opposite way.. they treat me like 'kanasai'.. i juz don't know why.. haiz.. should i quit becoming so call.. good guy.. and juz become who i'm only.. without caring what other ppl think of me.. don care what they say me.. don't care what they backstabed me.. i losing 1 very very good friend.. soon.. i juz don't know whether i will see this friend ever again or not.. i gonna miss this friend.. haiz.. ever since i come kl.. when i meet this friend.. my tears sometimes will flow.. haiz.. i juz wish i can take care of this friend.. but i think it's impossible.. haiz.. nothing much i can do also.. haiz.. who can help me.. nowadays.. my heart very pain.. my mood is bad.. no mood practice.. no mood chat or even sms.. haiz.. how can i improve??? i juz don't know what is the next step i can do.. what my heart really want now is.. i juz wish i can accompany my very very best friend to wherever this friend go.. there are many things which i don't even know how to express.. haiz..

over!!! too over!!!

i cant believe i will have such classmate.. if u wan backstabbed me plz say it in front of me.. u are not as good as anyone!!! haiz.. 24/6 is semester 1 choir exam.. well.. this idiot guy.. keep on blaming other ppl.. come on.. plz.. use ur fucking brian.. choir is about team work.. NOT blaming on other ppl!!! and WHY U BLAME MY FRIEND AND SAY HE SING WRONG U DAMN BLOODY IDIOT!!! i know u are good in ur major instrument... but it doesn't mean that u are good in everything.. u don't know anything about music!!! make me real angry when i heard that.. if ever again u say my friend.. i will not let you go that easily!!!! damn u!!! i doesn't know why teacher say u play ur instrument better then mine.. damn u damn u!!!!! i cant even think of it.. i don't even know why i will have this such 'good' classmate.. i don't even know how long i can stand facing u.. sorry.. that many bad words used in this blog.. but i cant stand it le.. he is a JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur table manners are worse and i don't enjoy my food whenever i sit together with u in a same table.. u are worse then a jerk.. slp in the class while teacher are talking in front.. say till so proud u wake up so early for jogging.. so what!!! so also can wake up on 4am.. not only u.. u dumb head.. my hometown wake up at 3am.. and yet they din even complaining about anything.. proud of yourself that u wake up that early.. fuck you la...

haiz.. sad but what i can do??

haiz.. many things happen but there is nothing i can do.. haiz.. i don't know what i can do anymore.. i losing something important in my life again.. i don't wish this to happen.. but soon it will happen.. i'm sad.. tears flowing from my eyes again.. and i don't know what i going to do.. haiz.. i wan2 cry out loud and hug u and saying i will follow you wherever u go and stay by ur side and will never leave u.. this is what i willing to do and i will never regret on what i said.. haiz.. but i know that this won't happen.. i truely sad.. and tears started to flow from my eyes as i started to write this blog.. only god can give me ans on what i should do.. i really cant forget the happiness we gone together.. it's so memorable.. but.. haiz.. it's just like the end of my world.. i will go back to a lonely place where i belong to as usual.. haiz.. someone!!!!! plz!!! i'm sad!!!

sad! But what to do?! I losing myself..

haiz..love a person..but the feeling very sad..haiz..why when we like a person we bad do everything for them? We can help them carry thing, stay back at school to wait for them, accompany them eat althought we owned self have taken our lunch? Haiz..but end up..we get nothing..haiz..love a person real hard..we cant get what we wan and end up, the person who hurt the most is me..haiz..but what to do? We can only accept it and let our heart pain..the same goes with me..love a person but cant have it..haiz..but end up know something which i couldn't accept and i have to accept it with my heart broken..the feeling was pain, tears flow, worried, and many more unhappy feeling..sad! Why this happen to me! I'm sad! I cry every night in silence but no one know and no one even wan2 bother to know..haiz..my heart know broke into million of pieces with tears flowing from my eyes..i losing myself..