i feel.. suffer..

haiz.. through out this week.. i dono whether am i gonna do well in the future when i at kl?? well.. anything could happen.. this week is my bro birthday.. well bought a cake, present, uh.. wat else?? oh.. bring some friend to my shop and celebrate v him..well. as i see his face and other of my friends were so happy.. i knew i having good friends right beside me.. well tat day was 24th december.. xmas eve.. i wondering why m'sia don't snow..i like snow very much.. i hope.. someday.. i will feel the snow and touch it v my owned hand.. well.. merry xmas to everyone.. xmas.. i hope i will only receive forgiveness from everyone and tat will be my biggest gift ever.. well.. as i was packing my stuff.. i was thinking of something.. wat am i gonna do if i cant do well at kl?? well..this could be a question tat kept to myself.. and.. there what a feeling which could make me feel.. sad and make my eye watery as i noe i gonna leave.. i really gonna miss everyone in my hometown.. well.. i guess every student who left their hometown for further studies will miss their home town to.. anyway.. wat i can only do is.. i gonna miss u all very very much.. well..it's been a year tat all my friends went for their further studies.. now it's my turn.. gambattey!!!

bye bye!!!

well.. christmas coming and i think days for me to enjoy myself in my hometown teluk intan left not even a month.. i sometimes feels.. wan to leave here as fast as possible.. but sometimes.. i feel i don't even wan to leave this place.. during december.. many things happen.. sweet memory, bad memory and.. many more.. when i will be coming back?? oh, well.. i gonna miss my hometown real much.. well.. i have pass the audition and i was very happy bout it.. but i was so sad.. coz i couldn't play well my piano during the audition.. i miss some notes.. and i was so scared.. but.. luckily.. i did it!! Oh, here i come.. the dream tat i been dreaming since i was small.. has finally come.. i will be entering a music school and i hope i may do well in my studies.. to the way of becoming a professional player.. oh gosh.. the fess to study was so expensive.. it need about rm50k (at least) to study 3 years diploma course.. well.. although i been having some accomodation prob for the 1st semester.. but i hope everything will be going fine.. piano class cost me around rm150 (per month) and flute class will be costing me rm80 (per hour).. wow.. guess wat.. i need a quite number of money to study.. gosh.. it kills me.. i'm scared i cant do well for the courses i choose.. it's hard.. oh.. plz.. help me.. someone.. well anyway.. i juz can do wat i cant effort to do only.. anyway.. wat i can do is.. practice, study, practice,study.....continues over and over and over.. anyway..

merry christmas and happy new year to all my teluk intan friends.. i will miss u all!!!

desperate, lonely, tension etc....

Why cant anyone understand what i'm feeling now?hmm......i feel.......desperate.......i wish only 1 person who can really understand what is going on with me.......but....unfortunately.....althought i told person what is happening to me......it's juz like the person is not listening or care what i'm saying at all......oh god.....i feel sad,terrible,scared,everything......hmm......audition coming......i'm scared......i scared tat i will failed in the audition......and if i failed......i will let many ppl down.....oh.....i feel terrible now ........i don't even wan to think of the place.......but....it's hard....please........somebody advices.....tears almost falls down....but i juz can be tough and never let the tears falls from my eyes.......will i come back tomy hometown often when i went to kl?i wish i could come back every week........but think of it......it's hard....i can only come back twice a week....it makes me sucks......why cant perak have the courses i wan.......so tat i wont leave my hometown till such far place......oh god.......please help me.....i feel terrible......i feel wan to cry.....i wish to tell the person but even the person doesn't hears what i trying to tell........i feel......sucks.............sigh..........

privacy...

everyone got privacy which can only be know by him/her self only.. but of course..he/her can only tell some of him/her very best friend.. but for me.. of course my things can only be known by 1 person.. i was very angry when someone cares bout what i'm doing, who i mixes with..it juz like my personal life is being control by the person.. if u read my blog.. u are not anyone or someone to me..the reason i publish this post is that i feel very unhappy whenever u come and control me without a reasons..whoever i wan to mixed with is none of ur business..zzz..everytime i think of it..i felt angry..now..i wont care bout u..if u sms me..i wont reply..if u disturb me..i'm gonna scold u like hell..

sweet memory..

i open my photo album..and i looked at a picture..which gave me a memory of my time..this year i celebrate my 18 years old birthday and i'm happy with it..this is the first time i celebrate with so many of my friends..although on tat day my best friend couldn't attend my party but i still happy because the person who i wish to celebrate with me was there..although i spend lots of money on tat day but i think it's worth it..i snap lots of photo on that day..whenever i looked back..i'm happy with it..now, even i went to kl, even if my friends where not by my side, or even my bro is not by my side...but i knew tat my heart is still with them..now school holiday started..and time is moving fast..i hope i can enjoy the time left for me to be in my hometown..so tat i will have a nice memory before i move on to kl..recently..i bring my bro for shopping..i bought him some gift..and i'm glad tat he like it..wat i hope tat after i go kl..i hope that every of my friend will be in good condition and healthy as always..and i hope my bro will happy as always..hope tat he wont in a moody condition..laughter is the best medicine..juz after performance..luckily i bring along my camera along with me..i snap alot of pic..and i like those pic tat i snap because all the picture that i snap give me a wounderfull memory..hopefully the memory will stay in our heart forever..

nature

Weather getting hot....ever think of what causes the weather to become so hot????hmm.....i guess no one ever guess of that......whenever they feel hot....they will juz switsh on the air cond.....we should be doing our part....saving the nature.....as trees keeps on cutting down.....the weather keep on getting hotter day by day....we as a human who stay on this earth......must do our part.....the earth is just like our home....we must take care of the earth just like taking care of our home....we must plant more trees....the forest must be kept but not destroy it and built buildings....sigh....the earth is crying.......a silent cry cried by the earth .....which no one understand it....hopefully someone may read this and tell everyone that trees planting is important.......it saves our mother nature.......pity those animal.....because of the forest being cut down the animals have no place to live.......this may causes extinction.......oh my......we must take do our part to save our environment........

forgive and forget.......

Things been stolen and i never thought that i would found back the things inside my car......The thief left the things inside my car and i'm scared that my bro will suspect i'm the thief.....After i explain everything to my bro, he believe me.......Thank you bro.......The next day on monday.......the theif admit that he steal the things and he apologize.......Guess what, before i forgive him......my heart full with anger......but....at last i forgive him.......my heart which full of anger suddenly cools down......and in the same time, something cross my mind that is.....'ppl may do wrong in their daily lifes, why don't we give then a chance to change their self????forgive and forget may let us closer up our relationship as a friend, couple or in any other identities'.......these words which suddenly cross my mind let me thnk of as a human v should forgive and forget......i hope anyone who read this may have the kindness in their heart to give the person who done wrong in their daily life a word of forgiveness to let the person to change their self so they wont done the same mistake again........after the thief apologize.......i not only relieve........i feel happy.......'sadhu sadhu sadhu'

unknowing human heart , feeling , though.....

8th november 2008......our school alumi dinner....sigh......suppose to be a very good performance.....it's nice......but.....sigh..........unwanted incident happen.......somebody out of nobody stole my bro's things.......i felt so sorry and i'm very angry at that person......when i saw my bro crying......i felt sorry to myself......what i can do????is there anything i can do????teach me pls!!!!i know who is the person who stole the thing but i doesn't have enough evidence to prove that he is the thief......how????sigh.....everytime i treat him so good.....but now.......i see his true face.......a face which containing many evilness within him......what i should do??suppose today is a happy go lucky day.......but end up with a very angry and sad feeling.......i wanted to buy back the thing to my bro but......the sweet memory containing inside of it can't be found back anymore.....the sweet memory that we gain through can't be replace anymore........why the stupid thief want to steal something that not belongs to him????i hope the god will punish him.....today is a bad,tired,sad,angry and many more feelings that i gain in a day.......exhausted.....sigh.......but what to do........i must appreciate every hour i have.......

money money money!!

Sigh....everyday invisible tears flow from my eyes as i taking out pieces of money when i buy things....today.....me and my very good bro went to a cd shop plan to buy cd for my friend as her b'day present....as me and my bro pay for the cd money.....invisible tears started to flow.....sigh....money used up everywhere.......it's hard for us to live......a day have pass again.....i'm guessing....how many days left for me to enjoy myself in my owned sweet hometown.....but i think it's impossible because i have things for me to busy.......today......another question past by my big brain....."what birthday means for us???"a day for us to remember and worth to celebrate or is there other things that could make us think that b'day is not a day that worth for us to celebrate????8th november 2008.....another performance day for our band......i hope we can perform well on that day......practices goes on.......and i hope everything will be fine......hmm........excellent,discipline,harmony........

why,what,when........

Today...is a confusing day for me.....i went to school,i been thinking.....what am i doing???am i wasting my time???or should i turn back and go back home to do what i should do.....make a call to the college and ask application for entering that college or straight to school teaching my band members???hmm.....confusing.....but lastly,i decided to go to school.....today a person ask me......why you treat me so good???i din treat you nice but why you treat me good????when this question pass by my big brain.....i wish i could tell the person.....i treat you good is because you are someone special to me......time left is very few for me to appreciate you but,what i can do is appreciate every hour i have to be with you.....i'm scared that i will lost contact with you.....2 month left for me at my hometown....i soon will be going to a new place to further my studies......i really hope i could give you all the best i can,treat you the very best i can.....because i know....you are the 1 who will be always right there when i need you........i hoe you may read this but.....i really want to know something which i don't dare to ask you......happy go lucky......i wish you could be well and happy.......

my year 2008

everything change this year..i felt bad...sigh...wat i should do i doesn't know...but there is 1 of my friend which will be always be behind me support me..and he is a good bro of mine..this year i meet 3 times accident..sigh...felt bad this year..injured 2 times this year...the worse accident is juz right after my birthday celebration..i felt sad!!!!!but luckily my dear bro could convince me to be happy and take good care of me...thank you!!!...now..i have to further my studies next year to kl..i felt lonely after i go kl....i'm scared i will have no friends...but i try not to scared myself.....as a human..we will go travel somewhere or some place which is totally not belongs to us...and we muxt try to face it...so..we must be brave....gambattay!!!.....my dear bro birthday coming.....i wanted to give him a present but...wat i should give??????????now..everything will change for me..hope i can stay connected v every of my friend when i have move on to kl....happy go lucky...take care sai lou......